Subtly retarded

Look, you missed my birthday last weekend. And it's almost too late to apologize, just save it for next year.

I turned 28. That's some late 20s shit, (girl). And because of my oldyhood, I can freely admit to you the retarded thought I had as my birthday approached.

My hair is long and supercurly for the first time in many years. I get sick of it easily, and as I looked in the mirror, I thought about chopping it all off. Up until semirecently, when that urge struck me, I would take a pair of horrible old rust-crusty scissors and hack it off (I was so spontaneous and CRAAAAAAAAAZY). Now I would never. But the niggling thought that was causing me to consider it was, I realized, less about boredom and more about this feeling that with my hair long and curly, I didn't look 1)cool 2)alterna 3)hip 4)easily identifiable to others in the... counterculture? Mainly, boys with stupid hair and snarkitudes who somehow had it burned into their synapses that short dyed hair in a certain style = hottie.

As I had this thought, I simultaneously had thoughts about how stupid that was, along with a third set of thoughts that came in with their hands up in the air, all "Hey, man, don't judge your thoughts; you can't control them, you can only control your actions, and you shouldn't be ashamed."

I'm very different than I was 3 or 4 years ago. I guess most people are. But even 3 years ago, I would never have dressed like I do now - meaning, half my wardrobe is, dare I say it, "cute". Pink, flowery, little-girlish. Whereas when I bought a Hello Kitty (ringer, duh) t-shirt in high school, it immediately went into the back of my closet because I was totally not the kind of girl who liked that shit, I mean, not like there's anything WRONG you know with girls who like that shit, but you know...(there is).

Also, while I still have a fluffy spot in my heart that the right amount of snarky banter makes fluffexpand, I realize that it's probably not a good idea to attack people with it once you first meet them. And being (faux)mean isn't hot. And maybe it's just because I can't make a hip reference anymore that's not at least 6 months old, but I promise I won't (secretly, even though I think I'm too good to do that) judge you for liking Billy Joel nonironically.

People will just have to like me even though my hair no longer looks like a wig.