Midnight Bicycle Mystery

My stomach has grown a brain. It lives somewhere deep within, and it is pink and slushy and pulsating.
All day, everything I do and see has been processed through TummyBrain. Example: I see a bottle of bile-yellow Fabulous brand all-purpose cleaner sitting on my desk. My first thought is, "Uggh, I feel like vomiting, that would be really disgusting to drink."
If one part of my body has to have its own thought process, I guess it's not that bad.
Better than a pancreas brain, or a liver brain.
Although liver brain would have forbid me from drinking as much as I did last night.
I'm normally not a big drinker. I'll have a couple occasionally.
Last night, I decided that since I never do, I was allowed to. Why? WHY? Was it any more fun than it would have been with say, 2 glasses of champagne instead of a bottle?
Sure, it looks cool to tote around a bottle of champagne while wearing a schmancy turquoise sparkly formalwear ensemble (aka "dress"). Like heroin chic, but lush instead. It's like I'm Courtney Love Live Through This era mixed with the cleaned-up Hollywood Courtney Love of Celebrity Skin vintage.
No.
I don't even know how to work champagne. At home before I headed over to UCB, I opened up the bottle I had gotten from work as a holiday present, heard a sonic boom, and watched as it shot all over my kitchen floor, dishwasher, counter, microwave, and cabinets. "No," I whispered, delicately caressing my dampened flesh with my fingertips of milky white.
"Yessss," it replied. In Gollum's voice.
Anyway. I danced and such and it was fine fun, but today I woke up feeling like a beached whale. I wanted to crawl out of my flesh all day. I finally feel somewhat better. I'm eating normally. But I have sworn off drinking more than a couple of drinks, even on Momentous Occasions. I really don't enjoy it.
I look perfectly happy in this picture:
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/8054/1077/1600/DSC00809.jpg
but that's BEFORE I drowned my liver. And brain. And before my stomach grew its own brain.
I didn't drink a drop for 5 years. I can be all soberlike again, since I barely do now anyway. XxxBiXXXenspanxxX will be my new screenname.

Happy New Year!
Yes, it's an artificial distinction, but time is a man-made invention anyway. So if you decide it's going to be different, lala lala woo.

I'll be posting every day in January! YEAH!